The art of changing your mind

Making your mind up can be difficult, but why is it sometimes even harder to change our minds? Should you always stand up for what you believe in, or would it be smart to practice challenging your opinions? Why should you change your mind, and when should you do it?

Accessibility icon The art of changing your mind

The art of changing your mind

Sometimes we have to make less important choices like what to eat, what to wear, or which series to watch. In these cases we are relatively open to input, and we can change our minds quickly when we get new information.

At other times, our decisions can feel bigger and more important. Are you going to study a vocational subject or prepare for university? Which political party will you vote for? Is giving money to beggars right? These are choices that say something about who you are, will become or want to be, and you must form an opinion that you are satisfied with.

Once we have made up our mind, it can be very difficult to change it. Why is that? And why should we really have to change our mind?

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Dame som sitter foran pcen og tenker
Dame som sitter foran pcen og tenker

Where do we get our opinions?

Our values are the basis for our attitudes and opinions. Growing up, we form our values based on experiences we have, people we have around us, and the environment we are a part of.

We have these values with us when it comes to justice, equality, honesty or solidarity. Our values are so deeply rooted in us that we are not always aware of them. They include our view of the world, our view of humanity or our faith.

We know what we think is fair and what is not, but it is not always easy to explain why. If our values are challenged or threatened, we will feel the need to look after and protect them.

Attitudes are understandings we have, and they are more deeply rooted than opinions. Experiences and knowledge form the basis for our attitudes, and they are developed together with our surroundings.

Our attitudes help to decide how we react when we meet people, or how we relate to various issues. Attitudes can be difficult to change. An attitude that is not factual, or that is simple and not based on facts, is called  prejudice.

Our opinions are about what we think about for example people or issues in practice. Not all opinions are equally deeply rooted in us, and they do not have to influence our actions. We can change opinions that are more superficial and that do not challenge our attitudes or values.

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Tenåring snakker i en støttegruppe
Tenåring snakker i en støttegruppe

Do you disagree?

If you are going to watch a TV series with friends, and you want to watch something different from them, you can certainly change your mind if the others make a good argument for it. But what if there are bigger things, things you are passionate about and think are important? How easy is it to change your mind then?

Jentegjeng som ser på film med pop corn
Jentegjeng som ser på film med pop corn

Why can’t they just understand!

Often we believe so strongly in our opinions that it feels like those who disagree are wrong. Still, it can be almost impossible to get others to understand why what we believe is right and important. We can argue and present the basis for what we believe in, but instead of understanding, the other person stands even stronger on their side.

We often put logic aside to be able to keep supporting the conclusion that fits our attitudes best. But why is that so?

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Why should we consider changing our minds?

We may not see the full picture

We are surrounded by a lot of information every day. In social media, information spreads very quickly, but it is unclear. It can be misleading and incomplete, and it is often a mixture of true and false. We may feel that we know a lot about something because we have read a lot about it.

We can make it possible for others to challenge their beliefs

By being respectful, critical and starting a creative dialogue, others can also be open to changing their beliefs. By talking about what we disagree on, we can create a better society and we help break down prejudices. When we take each other’s opinions seriously, we are making it comfortable for each other to rethink what we already thought we knew.

We can learn from disagreement 

We don’t always need to change our minds, but we can benefit from challenging our own – and other people’s – opinions. Changing one’s opinion does not necessarily mean the opposite of what one thought before, but it may help us see some new perspectives. By speaking with each other and communicating, we can get a greater understanding, and new ideas.

What do you think? How can you learn more about your own opinions by listening to someone who thinks differently?

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En gjeng tenåringer som sitter sammen i et friminutt
En gjeng tenåringer som sitter sammen i et friminutt

Why is it so hard to change our minds?

Imagine you sleep in and have to run to catch the bus. Do you notice the sun starting to warm the day and the birds singing then? What do you think it is like with everything we see, read and hear every day – can you take it all in? Based on what we filter out, what feels right, what people around us think, and what confirms our earlier beliefs, we form our opinions and attitudes.

Confirmation

Most of all, we like to have what we already believe confirmed. Once we have made up our minds about something, it feels good to have what we believe confirmed. In short, we would rather win discussions than find out what is actually true.

Belonging 

Sharing beliefs with those close to us creates belonging. If we believe something other than the majority, we distance ourselves from the group, and we risk ending up on the outside. We like facts that connect us more closely to the groups we want to be  part of. Our identity is closely linked to our sense of belonging. When someone challenges our opinions, it can feel like an attack on who we are and who we identify with.

It feels right

We often make decisions based on our emotions. Although it may be reasonable to change one’s mind, it can still be difficult. Critical evaluations of one’s own opinions can be challenging and uncomfortable. We like to be comfortable. The feeling of security often wins over reason.

Filtering 

We can struggle to deal with too many sides of an issue at once. In combination with all the different impressions and all the other information we take in, we risk being overwhelmed. Our brains unconsciously filter out what is not important to us at all times.

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En gutt som prøver å få bussen til å stoppe
En gutt som prøver å få bussen til å stoppe

What will it take for us to change our minds?

To change our minds, we must take a critical look at our thoughts and opinions, and be open to learning something new. If we are able to question our own thoughts, we are well on our way.

It can be exciting to learn new things, but learning is not always easy – it can also be painful. We must challenge our understanding, dare to think new thoughts and try new things.

When should people change their minds, and what can happen if nobody does so?

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Barn som ligger på gulvet å tegner

How can we practice critical thinking?

The best way to practice critical thinking is through being open-minded. We must be open to the fact that what we think may not be right, and we must choose to explore this.

Have you ever been absolutely certain that you are right and others are wrong? What was it like and what did you do?

What do those who disagree with us think, and why do they think so? Through being open and curious in dialogue, we can learn from each other, even if we don’t agree on matters at first.

How did you form your own opinions? Are you sure that the information you have is correct, or has there been new information that you should look into?

How important is it to agree with those around you? Is our community built on shared truths, or is it open to asking critical questions?

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Elever som gjør lekser sammen
Elever som gjør lekser sammen

Are you listening?

We will not change our own or other people’s opinions if we do not train ourselves to listen. We must listen to both those we agree with and those we disagree with. We can’t learn anything when everyone is more concerned with having their say than actually listening – but how can you become a good listener?

There are different ways to listen:
  • Inner listening: You listen, but start from yourself and filter what you hear through your own values, experiences and interests.
  • Concentrated listening: You listen based on the values, experiences, dreams and goals of the person you are listening to. You try to hear what they say and where their thoughts come from, and you notice important keywords.

Non-verbal listening: You listen to the things that are not said, but which highlight what is said. It can be tone, intonation, volume, tempo, rhythm, body language and facial expressions.

Concentrated and non-verbal listening is active listening. We try to understand what the other person is actually saying, without judgment. Active listening is difficult, and it is something we have to practice. When we listen actively, the person we are listening to experiences confirmation and recognition – and that creates trust.

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En jente som hører på det venninnen har å fortelle
En jente som hører på det venninnen har å fortelle

How to practice active listening

  1. Be present and let the other person finish speaking without interruptions.
  2. Try to see the matter from the other person’s point of view, seek eye contact and watch the body language and the tone of their voice. 
  3. Confirm that you are listening by nodding, saying “OK”, “I hear what you are saying”, or “I understand what you mean”.
  1. Be curious, and ask if you don’t understand: “What did you mean when you said that?” or “Can you explain that one more time?”.
  2. Repeat what the person says: “So what you’re telling me is…” and “Did I understand that correctly?”.
  3. Explore if you think something is being said wrong: “That was interesting – can you tell me more about it?” or “I haven’t thought of it like that before – can we have a look at it together?”.

Through active listening, we can expand our understanding without anyone experiencing  loss of face because they lose a discussion. Instead, we are creating trust and room for reflection, so that different views and new thoughts can arise.

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We must challenge each other!

We don’t always agree, but disagreement can be positive. Through respectful exchange and conversation, we can gain new insights. With good conversations, where we feel comfortable, we can allow ourselves to measure our own opinions critically and take in new information that can change both opinions and attitudes. If we are able to get rid of bad ideas, we can build on the good ones at the same time.

Think of an issue that is very important to you. What do those who disagree with you think?

Mor som hjelper barna med lekser
Mor som hjelper barna med lekser

Sources:

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